News and A Request

First for the news.  As I mentioned in my very first post, I had been entered into a contest with Injoy Publications, Inc.  The results were announced last week.  I was not the winner.  I am a little disappointed, but not terribly surprised.  At least now I know where I stand and I am moving forward towards self-publishing “A Mighty Fortress”.  That’s where the request comes in.

An author friend of mine (http://perryelisabeth.blogspot.com/p/cover-design.html) also makes book covers.  She is running a sale this month where she will make a book cover at a discounted price.  However, in order to take advantage of this, I need to have a back cover summary of my book.  That is where you, the reader, come in.  I have a summary that I think I am happy with, but I am in need of opinions, critiques, suggestions, etc. 

So, what do you think?

Summary: Joshua and Ruth leave Illinois to join their parents in Montana. Along the way, their stagecoach is robbed and they have to escape for their lives…straight into the unsettled Wyoming and Montana territory. One of the outlaws is hot on their trail, determined not to leave any survivors.

Jed Stuart is a troubled young man. He ran away from home when he was fourteen and was immediately drawn into an outlaw group. Seven lawless years pass. Jed is tired of the outlaw life, but knows his boss will not let him go. What’s one more stagecoach robbery, anyway?

Little do these three know that this one event will change the course of each of their lives.

 

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10 thoughts on “News and A Request

  1. Naomi Blum says:

    It’s a little boring. Try using more adjectives.

  2. Gail says:

    I don’t like the phrase “outlaw group”. I think they were usually called a band or gang. Maybe you could give the gang a cool name, you know, like the Apple Dumpling Gang 🙂 I agree with Naomi that it could use some pizazz.

  3. Great start. The second paragraph is superb. No comments there.

    Need some descriptors for Joshua and Ruth. Give us something to latch on to. They’re young, aren’t they? That’s a good selling point.

    I think the first sentence of the first paragraph overall could be more grabbing. The rest of the paragraph is fine, but the first sentence is a little flat. Describing Joshua and Ruth might fix it.

    Third paragraph is all right. As a reader and writer I don’t usually use such vague phrases as “this will change all of their lives.” That’s a given, really, and it doesn’t sell me any plot details. Try something more concrete, like “But when Jed finds himself tasked with hunting two young survivors across the wilderness… [finish the sentence].” You can phrase it as a question (“Can Jed…”) if that works better.

    Also you need a space after your ellipsis. 😉

    Although I’m sad that you didn’t win, I am so excited you’re self-publishing! *squee* Need any help, just holler!

  4. Juliet Nicole says:

    ‘He ran away from home when he was fourteen and was immediately drawn into an outlaw group.’ It’s fine, but I think it could be improved. The last part. Could it be active instead of passive?

    This is great. 🙂 I’d definitely consider reading it from the summary.

  5. Elaine says:

    The way you have it written now is event centered and I think it would be better character centered. For example the two sentence could be “All Joshua and Ruth wanted was to join their parents. But the stagecoach robbery took everything but their lives driving them on foot into the barren Wyoming and Montana territories”

    Does that make sense? I messed around with it and was able to rewrite it focusing on the characters more. If you want, I could post it.

    • Faith Blum says:

      Thank you, Elaine. That does make sense. For now, don’t post it. I am going to see what I can do with the comments I have. If I change my mind, I’ll let you know.

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